Confused Feelings & the Most Difficult Blog to Write

If I had the same mindset as when I first came here to Rhode Island, I'd be glad that I could finally go home, leave as a new person, and cure my homesickness.  However, that is not the case now. I've met so many people and gotten to know them that I'm reluctant to see them go since I may never see them again.  As I walked through the campus to the V Dub for one of the last times, I realized how routine the walk had become over these three weeks.  Walking down the street to the Main Green, passing the streets and walking adjacent to Thayer Street, eventually making it to the V Dub.  How much will I miss this place and will it just fade in my memory? Those two questions were the two that rang through my head all day as I went about my daily routine.

We had a final presentation and test today in class, which I did good on, but not the best in my opinion.  In between the two, Jody gave us a small presentation, telling us that life is never a straight line.  There are curves, loops, and many stories between where we start and where we end up.  We had a final conversation with Jody and Heidi after the final, joking around about things like bugs and the dorms.  I had a blast talking with them for the last time, but unfortunately we eventually had to part.  I took a long glance at the lecture hall, the waiting room outside of the lecture hall, and finally the biomed building when we were outside.  I was in disbelief that such a fun course with such great supervisors and classmates was already over, and whether or not I would see Jody and Heidi as well as the lab again is now in the hands of the decision of admissions officers.  

Thanks for everything Heidi and Jody!

We had our final lunch at the dining commons and I can honestly say that today's lunch was the best.  Lunch was just simply chicken tenders, but they tasted amazing.  They had the quality of an actual restaurant for once and not just cafeteria food.  I assume they made today's lunch taste good as a farewell gift to the three week students leaving today.  As I sulked and cried all over my food, there were many farewells and hugs right before my eyes.  The scenes reminded me that when I would get back to the dorms, there would be parents and suitcases of departing floormates and precious clustermates.  I made a final stop by the Brown bookstore for the last souvenirs and continued back to the dorms, saying farewell to my clustermates Greg and Will on the way.

The front of our door

When I got back to the dorms, there were parents scattered all over the place and many people saying goodbye.  I spotted Alex (the one that wasn't my roommate) from across the hall and said hi to him.  I stopped by his room for a bit since he was leaving in about an hour to hang out with him and his friend Jeffrey before they would leave for home in Florida.  Eventually I left, never to see them again for the rest of the day.  I walked back into my dorm realizing how alone I was.  Alex (the roommate this time) came back into the room from his class when I would see him for the last time.  I never really hung out with Alex or did anything with him, but the small conversations, spending time in the same room together, and him dealing with the bugs in the room makes me feel like we've known each other for a long time.  I can honestly say that he was the source of comfort letting me know that I'm not alone in this program and I'm really glad that I got to room with him instead of ending up with a single.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see him off for his departure, so I came back to an empty half of a room at night.

Already missing Brown

I was feeling lonely during the entire afternoon, so I decided to treat myself to a session with the piano.  The session helped a lot and allowed me to look forward to going home again.  I went back to the dorm to see Alex off, but he didn't appear at the time he told me he was leaving yesterday, so I just left him a farewell note.  I then went to dinner with Kevin, Arnold, Jing, and Amulia for the last time at the V Dub.  I didn't really feel sad about eating dinner for the last time there, but that's likely attributed to me playing the piano earlier.  We then went to downtown Providence for some exploring.  There wasn't much to see, but we still had fun.  We came back to campus at around 10 where we planned to meet early tomorrow morning for our final meal at Brown and went back to the dorms.

I'm sitting here now and the building is quite empty.  What was once about a floor full of 30-40 kids has now turned into a floor inhabited by about 10.  My stuff is half packed with everything besides what I'll need for tonight and tomorrow morning while the other half of this room is empty.  This post was honestly one of the hardest blogs for me to write during my four weeks here.  As I write about how everybody is gone and think about leaving this place, I can't help but to sulk again.  I shed tears because of homesickness at the beginning, and now I'm shedding tears over missing friends and the reluctance to leave Brown.