Thursday, July 10, 2014

Do I Miss Home, or Do I Want to Stay?

As I am writing this, I am further procrastinating on my final presentation and essay for my class.  I'm still likely to finish on time, but I just can't think right now.  These three weeks have been so different from the rest of my life.  Never again do I think I'll have the opportunity to relive the things I am doing now.  The labs we have been doing,  will I ever do them again?  The people I'm meeting, will I ever see or talk to them again?  The sights I'm seeing, will I ever see them again?  Only fate can answer these questions.

Tomorrow is technically the last day here at Brown and today is supposed to be the last night we sleep in our dorms.  That isn't the case for us ILCers, however.  We have to sadly watch our entire floors and buildings empty out while we wait for the sun to rise on Saturday morning.  I'm excited to go home and see everyone again for sure, but there's just a heavy feeling in my heart that makes me want to stay here.  My mind is in a constant tug of war between the campus and the comfort of my own home.  I've met so many people here and memorized the map of the campus and downcity Providence, only to have a chance of not having any use for these memories again.  Despite not meeting anyone here who I can fully relate to and share my interests of badminton, gaming, music, etc with, I'm still glad I met everyone who I did.  Everyone was so kind to me and I met people from all over the personality spectrum.  I look around at my messy dorm room and think about all the things I have done so far.  Thank goodness I record one second from every day of my life, so I can see the thirty seconds that I have accumulated here in Rhode Island (which I will most certainly upload if I get the chance).

There were so many things left unfulfilled and so many things I wasn't able to do.  I wanted to visit the music room again, I wanted to hang out with my cluster more, I wanted to find out about the badminton club here (which no one seems to know about), I wanted to visit Chris again down at McCormick and Schmick's, I wanted to look through more of the mall, I wanted to watch a movie, I wanted to eat at an authentic sushi restaurant, I wanted to try the bubble tea here, I wanted to dine at more local restaurants, and I wanted to create more unforgettable friendships.  Today was our last day in the lab, and I'll miss going down those stairs in the biomed building and walking into the cool room with all of our pipettes and solutions ready for us.  I should probably be saving most of this gush for tomorrow, so I'll do just that for now.  I should get back to working on my presentation, but my mind still bothers me.  I miss home and all of the people and places I love, but I'm going to miss this beautiful place just as much.

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