It really is starting to get to me on how I will not be seeing other people at all after tomorrow and class schedules further prohibit any contact that can be made. After hanging out with our floor to socializing and getting close to people I have just met through conversations are aspects that I will fully cherish to the best of my abilities. Someone gave me a hug yesterday as she was leaving early and it was just extremely shocking to see her walk out the door as such a dear friend that I played frisbee with to just socializing with in a casual way will likely never be seen again. Such projects and exams as well as intense sightseeing and touring of Providence and the campus right before I leave are just so hard to deal with simultaneously.
By walking to see RISD, The Providence Art Club, a jazz concert and tour at the John Brown House to a mock AP test and a college fair really makes me wonder if I am squeezing as much as I can from this amazing opportunity. I have even gotten so busy that I was unable to finish this blog, where the immense homework problem set to the project I have to finish as well as socializing on my floor all-night long so that s fun and exciting night right before we all head back to our different walks of life just seems way too overwhelming to handle at the same time. I do not know what I am doing right or wrong or even if the gray area in between exists. I wonder if I am fully enjoying and extrapolating the experiences and the moments that I go through and whether I will regret or feel gratified on what I have done. It is hard for me to come to a concrete and sustainable conclusion to live by, rather it be many random pieces of different things that I have learned that I can group into categories and maybe lump it all into a very large category, but how can that be done? Instead I can see the strategic, mechanical, and aesthetic beauties of all these different combinations to be formed based on what has basically impacted me and even others on this close to month-long excursion. Relishing in that manner in the short-run keeps me rather occupied for my self-fulfillment but for the long-term or for the fulfillment and influence it has on people and society is still a mystery. I wonder if I should cherish that uncertainty and to take all these risks or depend on what I am comfortable with to try to be a more general, broader, and less minute scope of what I take away from this incredible opportunity.
You may ask me about the specifics of my day as I and many others in this cohort often talk about this. You may wonder, How did Kevin feel about the mock AP exam? Where did he go and what did he eat? Did he spend a lot of time meeting new people and who are they? Questions like that can be answered in giving a recap and distinctive observations but because human beings tend to be quite subjective (this is even coming from a STEM enthusiast), these lenses cloud and distort actually accuracy in an objective criterion. If I told you that the mock AP exam was quite hard and I got a low score on the multiple choice to getting almost all of the short answers to correct, I went to various sites around College Hill and parts of Downtown from Providence's Art Club to The John Brown House, I spent time meeting others, even maybe close to getting on a more than necessary level of intimacy with a person I engaged in fervent conversation with from New Jersey to meeting a pleasant student from Guatemala where we talked about universities and politics to people we find inspiring as well as people we hung out with to other people who have hooked up; suddenly, the minute details get a bit tiring and boring to read and rather the impact, skills, and live-long aspects that are taken away show more relevancy and exciting for a person to reflect on and to put on places like this blog. I am not discrediting what I and others have done, but this is how I feel portrays what the world can appreciate and understand the most from what I have understood and appreciated not only at Brown, in Providence, or even New England but that from the moment I stepped on that plane. I also think that this journey doesn't end as it bleeds into the rest of life with a permanent stain that I find hard to remove.